wundermuffin: (Default)
this post made me feel really happy.

in general on the friends list/in the blogosphere lately i have been encountering a lot of posts encouraging people to think positively and engage in random acts of kindness. this is so nice to see.

as for my own positivity about myself - i was talking to DB last week about all these things i can't do, and how it's really frustrating and leaves me impatient. now, i believe that it is okay and reasonable and acceptable to feel this way - i just had frigging surgery for god's sake. i've been through a lot! it's okay to feel crappy about it. but DB pointed out that i am focusing a lot on the "can't" and not enough on the "can." she reminded me about all the disabled moms out there who have to do this every day, and that this is temporary for me.

it actually irritated me when she said it - my gut reaction was, good god woman, let me whine a little bit, EVERYBODY DOES and it's okay. i believe that no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse AND there's always someone out there who does have it worse. but i do NOT believe that this means that you can never complain, because venting frustration is therapeutic. for me at least. if i complain about something, it doesn't mean i'm always sitting there bemoaning my life - i just need to whine about it, get it all out, and then that alone tends to make me feel better and i can move on.

but at the same time, i knew she was right, and that thought has been with me all week. and i have focused so much on what i can do and how much better i am feeling post-op and how lucky i am in general.

this has led to a general feeling of happiness and well-being, which is a welcome change from the pain and fear i've lived with since the end of july. and after reading about the difficult times everyone has been going through (wtf 2009, you are fired), i am happy to see that a lot of people i e-know are also feeling good.

so yeah. i am taking shari's advice and will be paying it forward. it seems so selfish to keep all this happy to myself. feel free to join me!
wundermuffin: (Default)
so after having severe back pain on our 3rd wedding anniversary, i ended up at the emergency room the next day (friday). i am still in the hospital after surgery on monday - my second spinal surgery, the first being in 2001.

so yeah. it sucks, i miss the kid, i didn't expect my first night away from her to be like this at all, and i'm trying to be optimistic but chronic pain is a bitch. it forced nightweaning on her all at once instead of me being able to do it as gradually as i wanted, but she was at least down to about one (MAAAAYYYBE two) sessions a night, so i'm glad it happened now rather than a month ago when she was waking up several times a night. she's had to cut out a lot of nursing sessions all at once, not to mention she's had to spend far less time with me and alex than she's used to, and i hate that it all had to happen like this. i just miss her.

not to mention that for ME, i'm sick of being in pain and i just want to be able to function like a normal person again. hopefully once i heal from surgery that will be the case.

who knows when i'll update again.

June 2011

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